On my shelves I have a number of books with similar sounding titles;
\nDifficult conversations
\nFierce conversations
\nChanging conversations
\nDialogue
\netc.<\/p>\n
You hear, and can easily find references to, Vital Conversations, Tough Conversations, Crucial conversations.<\/p>\n
My take on all?<\/p>\n
There are two key – and difficult – skills that are important in any enterprise, be it business, home, hobby, voluntary\u2026<\/p>\n
These are the two key attributes in a \u2018critical\u2019 conversation, see this<\/a>.<\/p>\n Firstly, are you able to identify – and agree to discuss – the critical issues. Here structured thinking methods help identify the important topics: analytical tools that can be worked through individually or interactively – question fanning, logic modelling, issue mapping, iceberg deep think etc.<\/p>\n In the first take on \u2018critical conversations\u2019 it is essential to get the focus right: Critical, as in focusing on what is the most important topic or issue. Discussion themes that are the IMPORTANT ones to get right. This is about NOT avoiding the tough, challenging issues. NOT getting sidetracked by the minutiae: as in the example of a senior team being diverted by endless discussions of seating plans in a new office location, and not achieving the fundamental purpose of significant change. About NOT ignoring the \u2018elephant in the corner\u2019<\/a>.<\/p>\n Secondly, are you able to engage in a critical debate – where you and others are able to disagree, but in a way where you differ well as you explore differing perspectives (with a stronger relationship at the end, and not – as often happens – a weaker one). Methods here that can help include: the six thinking hats, balancing inquiry with advocacy, starting with appreciation, getting to know each other to develop trust, developing skills in the 3 levels of feedback, working on perspective management<\/a>. Personal qualities are important too – have you some insight into personal hot (or blind) spots? How do you increase that awareness and develop the ability to delay your hard wired response?<\/p>\n In this sense \u2018critical\u2019 involves putting a different (and\u00a0you probably believe better) perspective forward: this leads to discussions that are HARD or CHALLENGING to get right and that might come over as pretty hard hitting too. Here we need to know how best to explore different opinions: mining conflict (managing diverse views in a way that is productive), disagreeing well (so trust is preserved, or even increased). Being able to challenge others – and being open to it ourselves.<\/p>\n I am going to risk a mechanical metaphor to illustrate this! I believe that the engine of innovation in any institution is curiosity, and the \u2018oil\u2019 for the behaviours that turns good ideas into action is how we talk with others. The two skills in \u2018crucial conversations\u2019 are at the heart of the motor of improvement.<\/p>\n